Wednesday, September 11, 2013

The Day Two Days before the Ides

...of September that is. If you are interested, here is an old explanation of Ides, etc.

The eleventh of September is a tough day for me. You see, I suffer from the group mentality that was created when the twin towers were hit by aircraft on 11 September 2001. In case anyone had forgotten. No, I didn't suspect you had. I have to admit, It would be a lot easier to heal from it if news agencies and those interested in making a dollar from suffering would let us remember it our own way.

Please understand, I don't grudge them their own manner of memory. I just want them to let me have my own way of remembering.

I lost friends. several... in the events during and immediately after, and for years after the 11th. I remember them well enough. I have learned to live with their loss. But every year it gets plastered back everywhere. Have you ever had a deep cut? Did you ever tear the scab off of it and yell, "I'll never forget how this happened!" No? Me either. It isn't something a rational being would do. Then why is it that we refuse to let this cut heal?

My friend Carlota had some very Sage advice. (Get it? Her last name is Sage.) She posted this morning, 'My worry about the catch phrase "Never forget" for 9/11 is that it's too easily morphed into "Never forgive." How about we "Remember, and keep healing?"'

She mirrors my own feelings on that topic. I never approach this day with remembrance on my mind at first. It is always with some significant trepidation. What idiocy can news agencies come up with on this anniversary? What silly armband/mini-flag/Big Gulp/Fishing Lure will I see with 'Never Forget' screen print on it? Is it possible to have too much Never Forgetting? Am I supposed to lose sleep still twelve years after the fact trying to come up with ways for me to Not Forget again on this same date? Will I ever be allowed to forget that it is the eleventh of September and go on with my life in some meaningful way by accident? Am I using up all of my question mark quota in one post?

I of all people get the need to hold those lost in my memory. I do that. Often. I get the capitalistic tendency to plaster every flat surface with things that the majority of Americans will see and immediately reply with a hearty 'F#$% Yeah(explicit version)!' I don't necessarily get it as bad as some, but I absolutely get it. I just don't buy it when I see it. It is the equivalent of getting all of your old wedding photos out and having them made into T-shirts that you can wear but waiting until long after your divorce to do so.

Rest assured, I haven't forgotten. I never will. All that I ask is that you let me do it on my own terms. I know there is no opt-out for your fervency. I just want you to turn that thirst for blood to something that can be useful to those who did not and have not been party to heinous acts against the US. Take this day to give blood. (thanks Maureen{specifically about the event}) Seek other ways to express your outrage. (thanks Chuck{about outrage on the internet}) Write your grievance into a short story or novel. If I am interested in it, then I will read it. Write your op-eds. Paint your faces. Just please, please, please leave me to do it my own way without shoving my nose in red, white and blue every September 11th. I have a tremendous amount of mental fatigue surrounding this date.

I don't expect this to be a popular post to some people. I'll be surprised if all I hear of it is positive. I can live with that. People see things differently. It is one of the biggest things I love about how different and the same we all are. I just want you to know how I feel here. *shrug* How can we as humanity move on with our lives if we keep being dragged back into the past.

Marinate, Elaborate, Adjudicate, Pontificate. I will listen.


P.S. I read this to my friend Angela and she said she agrees with my right to feel my own way about it. :-) Interesting conversations coming up. I love face-to-face debate. I'm sure her husband and kids will have opinions as well.

1 comment:

  1. So why did u or she leave you and do u have kids with your ex wife. When will the divorce be final??