Sunday, November 4, 2012

Overholidayification(yes, I made it up)

 or How I grew to loath the run up to the holiday season

I include Valentine's Day and any other day that has marketability in this title, but the big ones at the end of the year are the target of my ire at the moment. First, let me be clear. I LOVE Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. I would love them even more if the musical artists, stores and any other venue that can make a buck from the season would just SHUT and let me. No! I don't want to hear Christmas music before Halloween. No! I don't even want to hear it before Thanksgiving, and I would REALLY appreciate not hearing it until a bit closer to the time. YES, dear sweet musician, I AM excited that you sang the same old Christmas music in new and exciting ways for you new album, but please listen to this: I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT UNTIL IT IS RELEVANT!!!! *pant* *pant* *smile*

Stores, you don't get off so easy. I can turn the radio off or listen to my mp3 player. I can NOT avoid your holiday exhibits of 'things-that-never-happen-at-my-house-or-any-other-I-have-ever-seen-or-heard-of' as I attempt to find and purchase my essential items. Grocery stores, I'm looking at you too. If I buy it now, then I will have to cook it well before even Thanksgiving. Please, hold on to it until I need it. THEN you can advertise it until I hate it.

Clothing stores and websites, if you show me one more Christmas themed article of clothing I couldn't care less about, I swear, I will sew my own clothing from now on out of Chuck Wendig's beard clippings while living in a cave I dug myself with the remains of your server or window hangers.

In summary, if you are one of those entities that absolutely MUST start advertising your black friday sales or dresses your windows before I have even decided on my Halloween outfit, OR begin playing carols and hanging holly.... Then I  hate you with a loathing that borderd on the psychotic. YOU are what is making me hate the holiday, and I can guarrantee that the hatred I begin freeling for my favorite time of year only pales in comparison to the hatred I feel for those creating that situation. Please consider this into your plans as you go about making others as insane or more so than I.

If you are one of those people who puts up decorations the day of or the day after Thanksgiving, then I love you. I have to, you are my family. At least you waited until it was more appropriate.

Everybody else, do yourself and your friends a favor. No matter how much you love the season and want to share it with others, please DON'T. You create more monsters than you could ever cast out in normally pleasant and proper citizens. The zombie apocalypse needs to be put off as long as possible. DO YOUR PART!

~Nearly-zombie JFo

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